Supporting Children Through Big Feelings

Explore common approaches for helping children navigate intense emotions and build emotional regulation skills. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Approaches to Emotional Regulation. Many parents adopt the 'co-regulation' model, which suggests that a child learns to calm down by being in the presence of a calm adult. This approach involves staying physically present during a meltdown, using a low, steady voice, and validating the child's experience without necessarily fixing the underlying cause immediately. Another common approach is 'emotion coaching,' a method where parents help children label their feelings once the physiological intensity has passed. By naming the emotion—such as feeling frustrated, disappointed, or scared—parents help children build the vocabulary necessary to identify and communicate their needs in the future.
2. Creating a Supportive Environment. Families often find success in creating 'calm-down spaces'—a designated area in the home with soft items or sensory tools that a child can choose to visit when they feel overwhelmed. The goal here is not to isolate the child as a form of discipline, but to provide a voluntary refuge where they can regain their equilibrium. It is also worth noting that children are often more capable of discussing their feelings when they are not currently in the heat of a moment. Many parents find that reading books about emotions or discussing how characters in stories handle challenges can provide a low-pressure way to teach emotional literacy.