Supporting Children Through Big Emotions

Explore common approaches to helping children navigate intense feelings and develop emotional regulation skills. HowTo: Family Edition: family how-tos that actually help.

1. Approaching Emotional Regulation. Many parents find success in the 'co-regulation' model, where the caregiver acts as an emotional anchor. By maintaining a calm physical presence, you help the child’s nervous system settle. This often involves acknowledging the emotion without necessarily agreeing with the behavior, such as saying, 'I see that you are frustrated that we have to leave the park.' Another common approach is the 'pause and reflect' method. This encourages parents to wait until the peak intensity of the emotion has passed before engaging in a conversation about what happened. Research in child development suggests that the brain's capacity for logic is significantly diminished during a tantrum, making it an ineffective time for teaching or lecturing.
2. Creating a Supportive Environment. Some families designate a 'calm-down corner' or a quiet space filled with sensory-friendly items, such as pillows, soft books, or sensory bottles. The goal is not to use this as a place of isolation or punishment, but as a voluntary retreat for a child to feel safe while their emotions subside. Modeling is also a powerful tool. When parents narrate their own experiences with frustration or disappointment—such as saying, 'I am feeling overwhelmed by this task, so I am going to take a few deep breaths'—it provides children with a blueprint for how to handle their own internal states.