Supporting Children Through Big Feelings

Explore common approaches for helping children navigate intense emotions and develop emotional regulation skills during periods of change.

1. Understanding the Role of Co-Regulation. Many developmental psychologists suggest that young children rely on their caregivers to help them regulate their nervous systems. This process, known as co-regulation, involves the parent remaining calm and present while the child experiences an emotional surge. By providing a steady, predictable presence, parents often find that children eventually internalize these soothing techniques over time. Some families approach this by narrating the child's experience, such as saying, 'I see that you are feeling very frustrated right now.' This can help children build the vocabulary necessary to identify their own emotions, which is a foundational step in self-regulation.
2. Approaches to Emotional Expression. Parents often experiment with different philosophies regarding emotional expression. One common approach emphasizes validating the emotion while setting clear boundaries on behavior. This might look like saying, 'It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to hit.' This distinction helps children understand that while all feelings are acceptable, certain actions require redirection. Another approach focuses on creating 'calm-down' spaces. These are not intended as punishment, but rather as quiet areas where a child can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. Some parents find that offering a choice of activities—such as drawing, listening to music, or using sensory items—can help a child transition back to a regulated state.